When the World Feels Heavy and The Mind Won’t Rest

The last couple of months have felt like my foot has been on the metaphorical accelerator of life, and unsurprisingly, the tank is rapidly emptying.

The warning light has been on for a while, but I’ve ignored it.

Too busy. Too much to do. She’ll be right.

But she’s not right.

A few weeks ago, I first noticed my fuse getting shorter at home. In reality, it’s probably been since the start of the year, but you know;

“Kate, suck it up—you have nothing to complain about. You wanted this business and this life. Don’t you realise how lucky you are?”

It’s been harder to sleep, always a red flag, with nights interrupted by Monkey Mind at 2 a.m., thinking of everything I forgot to do— send those doctors’ letters, the unpaid bills, missed netball registrations. I even fantasize about blowing it all up and becoming a walking postie. I wonder if I could I bring the Kelpie?

The Impact of Mental Overload on Self-Care

Without that beautiful restorative sleep, I hit snooze instead of hitting the gym for my beloved early morning sessions. One of my all-time favourite forms of self-care. My physical exhaustion impacts my food choices too— defaulting to nutrient-low, energy-dense foods for that quick energy boost and dopamine hit. There’s a very real reason we turn to food for comfort!

How Burnout Affects Relationships

Disagreements with my husband and kiddos rapidly evolved from discussions to arguments, the kind that go from 0-100 in five seconds. Shame and regret set in instantly.

“I’ve gone too far again. It’s a wonder anyone sticks around when I blow my top like that. It's only a matter of time until Todd will leave, my clients will discover I’m a fraud, and my friends will realize they are better off without me.

Woof! Talk about a brain spiral

When Self-Criticism Takes Over

I found myself leaning on coping mechanisms that are far from healthy or helpful, more often than I would like to admit, just to get some relief from the overwhelm and dysregulation that has been driving this ship. One more glass is a great idea in my overwhelmed brain but my self compassionate brain knows it really only makes my sleep, my anxiety and everything else worse. My self-compassionate brain knows I’m trying to numb the discomfort. I give what I have, which isn’t much right now, to my beautiful clients, then what’s left, the scraps, are for the kids, Todd and myself. Usually in that order.

My brain defaults to

“You should have your shit figured out by now, Kate. You’ve been doing the work for over a decade, and still you fall back into these old thought patterns and behaviours. Imagine talking to clients about body kindness and self-care while you feel like this and act like this—what a piece of shit you are.”

The Body Image Scapegoat

Of course, my body noise ramps up too. Icing on the freaken cake! My clothes feel different, even though my body hasn’t changed. ‘Imperfections’ stand out like they’re under stage lights, and my brain tells me I need to fix these imperfections to fix the way I feel. Hello, brain—I see you intellectualizing and trying to make sense out of my discomfort again.

Navigating the Complexity of Life and Career

I can’t pinpoint exactly why I feel so charged. Is it wearing all the hats of running a business? Perimenopause and the emotional, cognitive, and hormonal changes it brings? The empathic challenges of working with clients? Diet culture simply being just big a beast to bring down? Parenting a tween and a teen? Watching my parents get older? When I can zoom out to 30, 000 feet, I know it’s most likely ALL of these things. Life can feel heavy because it IS heavy, not because I’m doing it wrong.

Exploring Personality Types for Better Self-Understanding

I have recently discovered I’m a 2, The Helper, on the Enneagram, a spiritually based personality test I have heard about in my circles for many years. I swear they wrote this archetype for me and learning about my Enneagram has been eye-opening and has explained why I default to certain patterns of thinking and behaviours. It’s also reminded me that the best parts of me are also the worst.

How the World’s Chaos Compounds Our Personal Struggles

I’m living in a world with destabilising priorities. Driven by capitalism and social structures that run so deep, they are hard for even the most wide eyed folks to even see. Hearing stories about my kids peers electricity being cut off in their homes because they can’t afford the bills but their parent are too proud to sell their BMW, makes no sense to me.

I’m living on a world that is heartbreaking and confusing. Two weeks ago, Russ, aged 11 and Ben aged 9, were killed by their mother in the Blue Mountains. My best friend’s son was besties with Russ since preschool. The boys mum Trish has been friends with my friend for the same time. It’s unimaginable and for my brain, simply impossible to process. I spend many hours each day thinking about the boys and their mum. What might have been in their future and what Trish thinks about in jail. I wonder if she’s getting the support she needs. Gosh I hope so. Holding anger and compassion in the same breath is confusing.

I’m living in a world that has racism, sexism, fatphobia and patriarchy embedded into the systems that we are all a part of. It’s equal parts enraging, saddening and deflating. The healthcare system continues to do much harm to those most vulnerable while saving lives every single day.

I’m living in a world where our young people are getting swallowed by the very same social platforms I use to promote my business and send out messages of body kindness and care. I have no idea how to navigate this, none us do.

I’m living in a world that despite advances in science and technology, still does not share the resources with the people who need them the most. The luck of my DNA to even just be born in Australia is something I think about often. When I feel worried about my finances, I think about my fridge full of food and my ability to drive 5 mins up the road and access free healthcare, immediately if I am sick enough.

Watching the struggles of those around me, even as I navigate my own, is destabilising. That's the beauty and pain of the human experience.

No wonder things feel heavy. No, I’m not ok, we’re not ok. And that’s ok. We can do hard things, even when, especially when, that hard thing is life.

The Healing Power of Self-Compassion

Despite everything, my wise mind, my kind mind, my compassionate mind, knows deep down that I’m not broken—I’m human. That things are playing out exactly as they ‘should’ be and what is it I need to learn from this discomfort. For someone who is heart-centered who seeks love in every space, the world does feel unbearably cruel. And yet, as I learn more about myself, I am reminded to meet these parts of me with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment. I know that this storm will pass and my job is to ride the wave, not calm the storm.

Sitting in the Suck: Why It’s Important to Feel Your Feelings

Sitting in the discomfort has been one of the most difficult and valuable tools I’ve developed over the years. Of course, we want to numb the pain—through drinking, eating or not eating, gambling, spending, you name it—but these quick fixes only work for a moment before the feelings return, often stronger than before. We need to lean in, not out. We need to feel it to heal it. So, here I sit in the messy, uncomfortable suck, while having faith that I won’t be here forever.

Small Acts of Self-Care That Make a Difference

In the meantime, I’ll keep walking the Kelpie each day, training at the gym, and eating my veggies, because these things help. I’ll schedule mindfulness, journaling, and therapy sessions, even when I don’t feel like it. That’s what showing up for ourselves is about. I will continue to look for the magic around me that feels hard to focus on. I’ll choose to stop and smell the roses. Take a minute to watch the bees and marvel at a Sydney spring sky. I’ll soak up the joy when my babies are belly laughing and surrender into Todd's embrace and believe him when he says it’s going to be ok.

You Are Not Alone: We Can Do Hard Things

If you’re here in the suck with me, know that we got this love. You are not alone, and neither am I—and there is comfort in knowing that. May I nudge you to book in with that therapist, make that appointment with your GP, call that friend you have been meaning to check in on. How can you show up for you today, even when you don’t feel like it? Because that my beautiful friend is radical self-care.

Baby steps, beautiful human, tiny little baby steps.

If you are in crisis, please contact the following for support. You are never alone.
The Butterfly Foundation National Helpline for support with food and body concerns
Lifeline
Beyond Blue
Emergency Services on 000